Martina Hingis: "I'm Not Coming Back".

5-time Grand Slam winner and former #1 ranked women's tennis player in the world Martina Hingis announced she will NOT be following in Kim Clijsters and Justine Henin's footsteps and coming back to the WTA tour.

The 29 year old Hingis was suspended for 2 years after testing positive for cocaine in 2007.  After the results were made public Hingis went on to deny she had ever taken drugs at any time in her life....So Martina I take it them lines you were doing off ex-boyfriend Sergio Garcia's nuts were just powdered sugar?

Hingis' suspension is now over.  The suspension was lifted on September 30, 2009.  Even though she is now allowed to continue her tennis career, Hingis says that she is content in retirement, and that she probably would of retired anyways, due to her continuing downward slope in both tournaments and the rankings.  She also cited that having a lack of a life while on tour is also a reason why she will remain retired.

Well atleast you can now have a life Martina.  Tennis won't be getting in the way of getting trashed at raves.  And you can continue your post-tennis career of trying to emulate Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.  I'll give you some credit, you got your fame for actually being talented in something.  Congrats and enjoy your next line....uh, I mean retirement. 

Ivo Minar Is a Cheater...Really?

Czech tennis player Ivo Minar, ranked #69 in the world has been suspended for 8 months after testing positive for the banned stimulant methylhexanamine, according to the International Tennis Federation.  Minar says he took a food substance that had the substance in it.  Since when did you eat through your nose or a pipe Ivo?  Yes, it does come in a pill form, but them Czech's seem hardcore and I think would prefer to smoke or inhale their shit.

The ITF announced his suspension will end on March 10, 2010, and also ruled that Minar's results in Stuttgart, Gstaad, and Hamburg should be disqualified.  I went back and did some research to see if Ivo was actually doing better all hopped up on a performance enhancer.  Well in all 3 tournaments where he could be disqualified from he lost in the 1st round.  So basically he did just as good as you or I would do.  He didn't win one pissing match.

So I ask for lenience on the behalf of Ivo Minar.  Its obvious the guy pretty much sucks.  Whether it was inadvertant or not he took something that is thought to be "performance enhancer".  Ivo Minar may actually be proof that this drug didn't help him do jack shit on the tennis court.  The guy lost every match during the time he was suspected of being on the stuff.  It can't be that "good".  What it comes down to is Ivo Minar, whether clean or dirty is pretty pathetic.

2 Players Caught Bringing Whores Back To Hotel in Stockholm.

2 players identified only as "foreign citizens" were detained, along with their escorts this past Sunday. Both players were scheduled to play in this weeks Stockholm Open in Stockholm, Sweden.

Investigations are still continuing so the organizers would not comment. The investigations although would not stop either of the players from competing.

A prosecutor in the case had issued a summary punishment, which allows suspects to avoid trials in minor offenses if they sign a confession. It is not known if the players had signed that confession or not.
Sweden has a crazy prostitution law in which they punish the solicitors and not the whores.
I've done some investigative work myself. Looking at the field and wondering who could be guilty of this. Now this is not officially who did the crime, but just a guess. Hopefully my predictions of who was going to bang a hooker are better than my actual tennis tennis prognostications. So I've come to the conclusion that these two guys probably need to pay someone in order to get laid:

                                                                      Florent Serra
                                                 

Oscar Hernandez

 

What a great loss....

Simona Halep the 17 year old tennis player from Romania has decided to remove her 34DD boobs. Reports say that she has already made an appointment for this fall to get breast reduction surgery. I did not know the exact date of the procedure, for all I know her huge boobs could be gone, or are just clinging on to their last days as I type this. Now Simona, you know you can change your mind right? Anna Kournikova didn't need to play well to become famous. Hell she never even won a tournament. Odds are she rolled in more cash than most of the greats just based on her god given abilities...or I mean looks. She had no abilities. Well atleast not on the tennis court. Simona you are letting down all your fans. I know the boobs slow you down and hurt your range of motion on the ground strokes. Think about the other strokes all your fans accomplish while "admiring" you. Its a fair trade in the end. You are probably making a lot more people happy this way, rather than being selfish and trying to better yourself in your career. Thats just blasphomy!! How dare you!!......Don't forget you won the Junior French Open last year, and that was with monster boobs. They may be good luck. Now do you really want to take the chance of chopping them off?

Well I'm not sure if they have been eliminated or not. Hopefully there is still time to save them. A moment of silence and lets look back on the good days....

**** on a side note. How come when I tried to put the pictures at the end of this post they automatically go to the top? I had the curser below the last paragraph and did the insert photo option. WTF!?!?! I suck at life......and blogging.

***** Another side note. My friend Joel is awesome and fixed it for me. I think he is great and not an asshole.

Russia, Sweden, and Luxembourg OH MY!!!

I was starting to get bored of my own blogging. I'm not a professional. I'm not going to bore people to sleep with stats. I'm going to make it a little more fun.......Yawn.

We got some smaller garbage tournaments this week. Players just playing close to home trying to pad that bank account a little more.

Moscow is a joint tournament. The women and men both have tournaments. The fields on both sides are pretty much Russian and Eastern European players. The men feature Russian mafia favorite Nikolay Davydenko and a bunch of jobbers. Well the once excellent Marat Safin is in the field and plays Davydenko in the first round. Davydenko will kick Safin's ass in this match, and go on to win the tournament. How do I know this. The KGB told me so.

Vera Zvonareva is the top seed with boo-boo prone Jelena Jankovic is the 2nd seed. Both are hypochondriacs and will act like they were shot if they happen to slip and fall. Its like watching soccer. Flavia Pennetta will win this tournament. She seems the most mentally tough of the bunch.

The WTA tournament in Luxembourg features the return of Kim Clijsters to tournament play. I think she has been too busy playing mommy and her focus is lacking for a turd tournament in Luxembourg. Wozniacki is hurt well kinda, maybe not. I'll take her to win hurt or not.

The other mens tournament is in Stockholm, Sweden. Countryman Robin Soderling is the top seed, with Tommy Haas as the 2nd seed. Juan Carlos Ferrero is the 3rd seed, and after that the field looks like a bunch of guys they found at the local Y. I like Soderling to win in his hometown. He'll have the home court advantage. (if there is such a thing in tennis.)

Davydenko wins Shanghai Masters....Stosur and Wickmayer also win titles.

I already did this blog once and there was a problem with it being posted. I'm not going to bother retyping everything, so heres the short version.

Davydenko defeats Nadal in the final of the Shanghai Masters event.

Samantha Stosur takes the title in Osaka, Japan by beating Francesca Schiavone in the final.

Yanina Wickmayer, the young Belgian keeps showing more and more promise. She won the WTA tournament being held in Linz, Austria. She defeated Petra Kvitova in the finals.

Quick Update and Predictions

First off, I need to rename this blog. I did a google search and a facebook search and found that there already is a "Fuzzy Yellow Balls" site. We all know that mine is way better and kicks their site's ass. I don't want to be confused for being affiliated with them chumps so I will be changing the name very soon. Any recommendations will be considered, although I think I may already have thought of one.

Lets get to this weeks action. The tournaments are well in progress since its already Wednesday.

The women have 2 smaller hardcourt tournaments. One is in Osaka, Japan and the other is being held in Linz, Austria.

Lets start with the one being held in Linz first. This is a 32 woman field event.

Top 4 seeds and world rankings:
1. Flavia Pennetta (#10)
2. Agnieszka Radwanska (#11)
3. Yanina Wickmayer (#25)
4. Carla Suarez Navarro (#30)

My pick is Pennetta over Radwanska in the final. Yeah, I know. I'm going out on a limb. Looking at the rest of the field they are head and shoulders above the rest. I really had no choice. Currently they are finishing up the 1st round today, and both Pennetta and Radwanska are still alive

The 2nd WTA event is being held in Osaka, Japan. This also is a 32 woman field

Top 4 seeds and world rankings:
1. Caroline Wozniacki (#5)
2. Marion Bartoli (#13)
3. Samantha Stosur (#14)
4. Francesca Schiavone (#26)

My prediction at the beginning of the week was Marion Bartoli over Stosur in the final. Wozniacki has been struggling with injuries, so it was hard for me to pick her to do real well this week. As of Wednesday Bartoli is into the quarterfinals, and Stosur will play her 2nd round match to reach the quarters tomorrow.

The men are playing a ATP Masters Series event in Shanghai China. All the big names are in this tournament other than Roger Federer and Andy Murray who pulled out due to injury. Murray has a sore wrist. Hmmm I wonder how he got that? Roger who knows. Mirka probably kicked his ass when he didn't put the toilet seat back down.

Top 4 seeds and World Rankings:
1. Rafael Nadal (#2)
2. Novak Djokovic (#4)
3. Juan Martin Del Potro (#5)
4. Andy Roddick (#6)

My pick before the tournament started was Del Potro over Roddick in the final. Well I didn't realize both these guys are pansys and Del Po is still on his booze and bitch hangover from the U.S. Open. Roddick probably needed his diaper changed and both ended up retiring from early round matches. So that pick was garbage... As of Wednesday the tournament finished off the 2nd round matches and now are into the 3rd round. Nadal, Djokovic, Soderling, Tsonga, Monfils, Davydenko, "Cheating Chilean" Gonzalez, Simon, and Berdych are still around. A few surprises to make it into the 3rd are Rainer Schuettler, Jurgen Melzer, and Ivan Ljubicic......Watch out for Tsonga and Djokovic to make a run. They seem to be playing at the top of their game right now. Look for Nadal to have a say as well.

Beijing and Tokyo Results.

Svetlana Kuznetsova and Novak Djokovic won in Beijing this weekend. Svetlana defeated Aggie Radwanska in the final 6-2, 6-4. Kuznetsova after her win gave this little gem of a quote "'I like the tournament, especially that the prize money is higher than the men's, I think we deserve it." Now is she crazy? I have no problem with women making equal money, but more is just obsurd. After thinking about it, I realized why the women were paid more at the same venue. The mens tournament in which Novak Djokovic defeated Marin Cilic in the final 6-2, 7-6 was a considerably "smaller" level tournament. Now they had some big names with Nadal, Djokovic, Verdasco, Roddick, Soderling etc. in the field, but the total field size was only 32 players. The women's tournament in Beijing was what they call a "Premier Mandatory" event which had a field of 64. Its just a bigger event, and more important in relativity to their respective tours. This was a big time WTA event. Not a grand slam, but just a notch below. While this was just a regular mens tour stop. That is probably why the monetary difference was different. It was brought to my attention and people were kind of shocked by the pay difference. Plus when Kuznetsova uses that quote to kind of rub it in or bring more attention to that she won more money than the male winner. It was just stupid on her part. But she is the one walking away with $775,500 bucks. I'd talk shit too probably.

Now lets get to the results:

Like i mentioned Kuznetsova defeated Agnieszka Radwanska in the China Open final 6-2, 6-4.
My prediction of Dementieva over Serena in the final was once again off. This is the second time in the past few weeks I picked Dementieva to win. I've learned my lesson.

I hit on the mens Beijing tournament. I picked Djokovic over Nadal. Djokovic did end up winning the tournament, but it wasn't over Rafael Nadal. Djokovic defeated Marin Cilic 6-2, 7-6 to take the title. He walked away with $500,000. Not a bad for a weeks pay. I wonder if he was kicking, screaming, and sulking he didn't make as much as the girls. Knowing him, there's a good chance.

The Tokyo event featured Juan Martin Del Potro's return after his U.S. Open Championship. It was short lived. Jobber Eduoard Roger-Vasselin upset DelPo in the first round. So my prediction went to piss after that. My runner-up pick and Muhammad Ali look-a-like Jo-Wilfried Tsonga won the title in Tokyo by defeating Russian Mikhail Youzhny, who is more famous for busting his head open with his own racket in frustration rather than his actual tennis game. Tsonga won 6-3, 6-3

Tomorrow will feature a look at this weeks events and a possible name change for "Fuzzy Yellow Balls".

3 Big Tournaments this week. ( A Preview)

The tour stops in Asia continue this week, with 2 ATP tournaments and a WTA tournament.

Let me start on the women's side with the WTA's China Open in Beijing, China. This is a WTA Premier Event which is an equivalent to the ATP's "Masters Series". It features the return of Serena Williams coming off her U.S. Open meltdown.

Top 4 Seeds and World Ranking:
1. Dinara Safina (#1)
2. Serena Williams (#2)
3. Venus Williams (#3)
4. Elena Dementieva (#4)

Pretty much all the other top players are at this event. Sharapova is in the field after last weeks win. Jelena Jankovic is playing even though she retired from an injury in last weeks final. Azarenka, Pennetta, Wozniacki, Kuznetsova, all are in the field. The only major omission is Ana Ivanovic who is shutting down for the year. MY PREDICTION: Elena Dementieva over Serena Williams.

The men also have a ATP tournament in Beijing, China. Rafael Nadal and Andy Roddick are back playing for the first time since the U.S. Open.

Top 4 Seeds and World Ranking:
1. Rafael Nadal (#2)
2. Novak Djokovic (#4)
3. Andy Roddick (#6)
4. Nikolay Davydenko (#8)

Other notables in the tournament are: Fernando Verdasco, Robin Soderling, Fernando Gonzalez, Marin Cilic, David Ferrer, Marat Safin, Ivo Karlovic, and James Blake. MY PREDICTION: Novak Djokovic over Rafael Nadal in the final.

The other ATP tournament is being held in Tokyo, Japan. U.S. Open champion Juan Martin Del Potro is in a strong field.

Top 4 seeds and World Ranking:
1. Juan Martin Del Potro (#5)
2. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga (#7)
3. Gilles Simon (#10)
4. Gael Monfils (#13)

Other notables playing in Tokyo are: Tomas Berdych, Radek Stepanek, Stanislas Wawrinka, Lleyton Hewitt, Fabrice Santoro, and John Isner. MY PREDICTION: Juan Martin Del Potro over Jo-Wilfried Tsonga.

Davydenko, Simon, and Sharapova all claim victories this week.

Maria Sharapova keeps showing improvement by winning this weeks Toray Pan Pacific Open in Tokyo, Japan. Sharapove beat Jelena Jankovic in the final. The final was short due to Jankovic retiring due to injury. Knowing the way Jelena is with her injuries I'm sure its not as bad as she will dramatically hype it to be. Either way Sharapova showed to be in good form during the week, and looks to be back at the top of her game for next season. The tournament as a whole had a lot of upsets. Venus, Kuznetsova, Dementieva, Zvonareva, Ivanovic, Wozniacki, and Flavia Pennetta were all seeds that were ousted early without winning a match. Making my prediction of a Dementieva-Kuznetsova final look just plain silly.

In Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia #1 Nikolay Davydenko was able to claim victory after defeating Fernando Verdasco in today's final. Davydenko showed he still is a factor and is dangerous in the ATP tour by defeating Verdasco, Soderling, and Monfils to take the Proton Malaysian Open title.... Robin Soderling my predicted winner fell in the semifinals to eventual champ Davydenko.

Gilles Simon was back in the winner's circle again this week. He defeated Viktor Troicki in the final of the PTT Thailand Open in Bangkok, Thailand. Gilles had to beat Troicki, Jurgen Melzer, Evgeny Korolev, and Kevin Kim in order to be champion.... My pick Jo-Wilfried Tsong fell in the semifinals to Troicki.